It's hard sometimes

For many people out there who are working in the film industry, or trying to at least, you might have a job that helps pays the bills like I do. Something to help you survive while you try to realize your dream. If this is the case for you, then this rant is nothing new and I apologize. But for those out there that haven't had the experience, it is a tough one.

I want more than nothing in the world than to make a living making films (just enough money to survive, pay the bills, buy food, maybe go out every once in awhile), but at the moment, that is just not a possibility. Car payments, rent, cell phone, all these things require me to have a 9-5. For anyone who lives in LA, they know how DAMN expensive this city is, second, in my opinion, only to New York. This is coming from a midwest boy who knows the rent he pays in LA could be a mortgage on a NICE house back home.

So I have two jobs. One, is my "corporate job" which, to be honest, I can't complain about. It isn't hard work, it pays very well, and I work with great people. But no matter how great the job and how flexible the hours, it still isn't my dream job. So, I go to work from 9-5, then go home to start my second job, writing and working on my film career.

But with a live in girlfriend and getting run down at times from the day job, it is hard to get motivated to do anything then sit back and watch TV or a movie. I am, by nature and my father's example, a procrastinator. I can start doing something, then get COMPLETELY side tracked on another thing, or just never start something at all, putting it off. It doesn't help that I have a TON of interests and hobbies. Playing guitar, cooking, reading, working out........drinking......all these things are easy distractions from writing and filming and I need to stop letting them take control of my dreams. I am constantly spreading myself too thin and getting involved in WAY too many activities at once. I need to focus on the one thing I want more than anything....hookers and blow......a successful film career.

Wow, has it been awhile

I guess I am having trouble keeping up with this thing because it isn't in my daily "to do list" yet. I know I know, a year between posts is ridiculous, but still, it slowly was pushed back and back and back until I completely forgot about it! So here I am, still struggling to start a film career and kicking myself in the head because I haven't been putting in as much as I should. It is hard with a 9-5 that pays the bills, to come home and just keep working, but because it it a labor of love, sometimes it is easier than others.

I have one script complete, another in the works, and about 5 ideas, so that is something that is going well for me. I am editing a web series, producing 2 films, co-directing another (I think), and hopefully helping with a start up distribution company. So things are in motion, but in this city and business, nothing and I MEAN NOTHING is set in stone. So tomorrow I could wake up with my computer fried (thus no more scripts or editing....should probably back all that up), and each of my projects continuing on without me, or not continuing at all.

I have hope, and I will keep fighting to make this dream come true.....the dream of being featured in People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People issue........in an ad......for VD.......sigh......