It's hard sometimes

For many people out there who are working in the film industry, or trying to at least, you might have a job that helps pays the bills like I do. Something to help you survive while you try to realize your dream. If this is the case for you, then this rant is nothing new and I apologize. But for those out there that haven't had the experience, it is a tough one.

I want more than nothing in the world than to make a living making films (just enough money to survive, pay the bills, buy food, maybe go out every once in awhile), but at the moment, that is just not a possibility. Car payments, rent, cell phone, all these things require me to have a 9-5. For anyone who lives in LA, they know how DAMN expensive this city is, second, in my opinion, only to New York. This is coming from a midwest boy who knows the rent he pays in LA could be a mortgage on a NICE house back home.

So I have two jobs. One, is my "corporate job" which, to be honest, I can't complain about. It isn't hard work, it pays very well, and I work with great people. But no matter how great the job and how flexible the hours, it still isn't my dream job. So, I go to work from 9-5, then go home to start my second job, writing and working on my film career.

But with a live in girlfriend and getting run down at times from the day job, it is hard to get motivated to do anything then sit back and watch TV or a movie. I am, by nature and my father's example, a procrastinator. I can start doing something, then get COMPLETELY side tracked on another thing, or just never start something at all, putting it off. It doesn't help that I have a TON of interests and hobbies. Playing guitar, cooking, reading, working out........drinking......all these things are easy distractions from writing and filming and I need to stop letting them take control of my dreams. I am constantly spreading myself too thin and getting involved in WAY too many activities at once. I need to focus on the one thing I want more than anything....hookers and blow......a successful film career.

Wow, has it been awhile

I guess I am having trouble keeping up with this thing because it isn't in my daily "to do list" yet. I know I know, a year between posts is ridiculous, but still, it slowly was pushed back and back and back until I completely forgot about it! So here I am, still struggling to start a film career and kicking myself in the head because I haven't been putting in as much as I should. It is hard with a 9-5 that pays the bills, to come home and just keep working, but because it it a labor of love, sometimes it is easier than others.

I have one script complete, another in the works, and about 5 ideas, so that is something that is going well for me. I am editing a web series, producing 2 films, co-directing another (I think), and hopefully helping with a start up distribution company. So things are in motion, but in this city and business, nothing and I MEAN NOTHING is set in stone. So tomorrow I could wake up with my computer fried (thus no more scripts or editing....should probably back all that up), and each of my projects continuing on without me, or not continuing at all.

I have hope, and I will keep fighting to make this dream come true.....the dream of being featured in People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People issue........in an ad......for VD.......sigh......

Horrays and boos

Well there is much more horraying (that HAS to be a word spell check!) than booing (yes! that checks out!) today. Talked to some of my colleagues, i.e. people who put up with me, and some awesome things have occurred. A commercial contest I entered awhile ago with a couple of my friends won first prize. Though it wasn't the GRAND prize, it still was worth 4000 dollars and the ability to brag. Adding to that bragging is the simple fact that I just may forget to tell people there was a GRAND prize winner and leave it at "We won first place!" and not elaborate. That looks better on a resume and portfolio in my humble opinion. The money isn't really what I am excited about, more so the fact that something I had a hand in was deemed worthy enough to bestow a cash reward upon it. I'll take the recognition over the money, the hardware over the chedda (yeah yeah, not gonna fight that one, YOU WIN AGAIN SPELL CHECK).

On another note, got a nice text from another colleague yesterday inquiring if I wanted to co-produce an independent feature length film with him. After thinking about it for about as long as it took me to figure out how to spell inquiring (did you know inguiring is a word?!), I said yes and we spoke today. Turns out the old ball and chain (the 9-5, not the girlfriend) wouldn't interfere in giving it my all, so it looks like it will work out. Definitely looking forward to that.

The boos come from my inability to come up with a GREAT ending for my latest screenplay. Not some ho hum aliens kill Cate Blanchett and fly away in their spaceship kind of ending. No, I am looking for a Crying Game, HOLY SHIT SHES A DUDE! type ending to my script. A payoff that will make the entire, boring, nonsensical (really? a word?) journey that is my script, a journey that probably only my mother would take, worth it in the end. I need to muddle around in my mind and come up with something that not only makes sense, but is TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME! Alright, enough of that, time to dive into my weird mess of a mind.

A year past film school...

It has been a year since I graduated from film school and what a year it has been. Under my belt I have a couple of commercials, a completed script, a script 2/3rds done, and a 9 to 5 job. Now the 9-5 is not a shock to me. Right after I graduated I got the job because I knew I would have bills to pay and wanted to actually eat more than once a day. So I don't look at the 9-5 as a failure to realize my dreams, shit, my dreams are stronger now than ever.

By my nature, I am an impatient person. I want instant gratification and only recently have I learned how to accept letting things come with time. So every time I watch a movie it should come as no surprise that I want to be a director NOW! Not a commercial director, or a webisode director, but a feature film director. Not that those others are not noble professions, they are just not my ultimate dream. I know many successful filmmakers will tell me to keep working at it, keep filming on the nights and weekends and staying up wayyyyy too late to write the next great story, but dammit I want it NOW!

The hardest part is that there is no set path to being a film director. If you want to be a doctor, you go to med school, you are a resident, then you (hopefully) become a doctor. If you want to be the CEO of a large company, you get your MBA, you work at an entry level position, and work your way up to be top dog. But for film?! I'll be damned if there is a set path you can see that will lead one to being a director. One of the Farrelly brothers was selling circular beach towels before he wrote and directed Dumb and Dumber! Not any beach towel...CIRCULAR BEACH TOWELS! I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong, or right for that matter, so I know that I might be somewhere NEAR a path to filmmaking. But in this business, I just have to keep trudging along, keep filming, keep writing, and making sure that if any opportunity comes my way I am ready to take it. Here goes nothing....